How I Ended Up Here – Ponderings #1

This is the first post in my series Ponderings, which is where I’m going to share more of my personal posts about my life and thoughts that I have. I think the best way to start this journey off is by explaining how I ended up here, right now, with this blog. I hope you enjoy it.  

I’m writing this for a blog that doesn’t exist yet, which feels kind of weird. Is anyone going to read this? I’ve made some steps so far: I have a lot of ideas, and there’s been some progress, but not enough to call it a website yet. I guess a good place to start in terms of personal posts would be my reason for wanting to blog in the first place. To tell you, but also to remind myself.  

I’ve always loved to write. Maybe because I read so much as a child. When you’re a really introverted kid, reading a book always sounds a hell of a lot better than a playdate or a birthday party or anything like that. So I read a lot. For most of my childhood, my answer to “what do you want to be when you grow up?” was a toss-up between a vet, a ballerina, and an author. (I’ve always loved animals, and I did ballet from age three to my senior year of high school.)  

I grew up a little and realized that I was not cut out for being a vet at all. I couldn’t handle the medical stuff. I’m too sensitive to be around sick and dying animals regularly, so that one was out. Once you get to be around high school age, you start to get an idea of which career paths are the higher-earning ones, and which ones are not. Professional dancers (the ballet kind, not the other kind) are typically not super well-paid, plus I don’t think the unstable lifestyle would’ve suited me either. I couldn’t handle the rejection of auditions or the possibility of an injury leaving me unable to work at any time.   

So that leaves author, right? Nope, that’s not what I did either! In high school, I took classes in the small engineering department and liked it enough to be like ‘yeah, I can see myself doing this’. It also helps that my dad is an engineer and has always helped me learn about STEM-related things. (Thanks Dad!) It doesn’t hurt that engineers generally make good money, either. I took those classes, and then applied for college as an engineering major.  

The engineering program was hard, but it was worth it to me. I found myself super interested in most of what I was learning. College helped me grow up a lot, and I was shaped by the good times, and the bad ones.  I don’t regret my college decisions at all; they got me the job that I have now and more importantly, my incredible boyfriend.   

But a few months into my job I thought to myself, ‘Is this it? I love what I’m doing now but is there more out there?’. I have great respect and appreciation for the technology I’m working on, but I realized I was neglecting my creative side. The part of me that wants to think and create and write. My younger self that wanted to be an author.  

I started having dreams about this blog. For a few weeks, the idea rolled around in my head. It would be the last thing I thought about before falling asleep at night and the first thing on my mind when I woke up. I knew this had to mean something, and I had to act on it.  

This isn’t the first time I’ve wanted to start a blog. I suppose my old Tumblr account was my original blog (but that was a lot less writing and a lot more reposting pictures of One Direction). I had the urge again a few times in college, but I never had enough free time to make any progress. Any time spent on that would take too much time away from school. It didn’t get any farther than a list of post ideas and a half-hearted attempt at a first draft before I let it go again.     

So when the dreams came back a few weeks ago, I knew that now was the right time. I have more free time after work and less commitments than I did in college. I can afford the maintenance fees for the site and other costs without spending my parents’ money. And I’d like to think I know a little more now than I did at 18. This isn’t to say that my 18-year-old opinions couldn’t have been valuable, but I’ve grown a lot since then.   

I’ve been taking it more seriously this time. My nights and weekends are spent researching how to start a blog, reading other people’s experiences, and brainstorming. I don’t have much of an eye for visual design, and I have no marketing experience. Despite my technical background, I know almost nothing about creating or running a website. I do know that I love writing, and I love learning. It’s time to push myself outside of my comfort zone. If I don’t try now, who knows if I ever will?  

That brings us to you reading this post right now. I’m in the middle of developing my niche, learning how to use the tools I need, and purchasing all the required services. It’s been suggested that you have several posts ready when your blog launches, so this is one of those pre-launch entries. I’m feeling inspired and a little overwhelmed, and I have no idea how this is going to all turn out. But I’m ready to try, and I’d love nothing more than to have you along for the journey. If you love houseplants, learning, and hearing about a woman trying to figure things out in the world, you’ve come to the right place.